What to expect
by Dear-chemistry
Summary: This was all Schmidt's fault. Schmidt and his stupid selfishness. Cutting up Nick's condoms and ingesting her birth control.
1. Chapter 1

Jessica Day was a lot of things. She was quirky, she was weird, she was weak and sometimes vulnerable, she rocked a lot of polka dots and yes, her checks did have baby farm animals on them. But today, as she leaned against the sink staring at a stupid plastic wand with a stupid pink line across it, today, she was pregnant. Maybe. She grabbed the instructions from the stupid box and read them once, twice, then three times. Pink line, positive. No line, negative.

A pink line stares back at her.

Luckily for her, she had bought more than one test.

_*Flashback*_

_Jess wore one of Nick's oversized hoodies and a pair of oversized sunglasses as she walked quickly down the aisles of the pharmacy until she found the pregnancy tests. She grabbed an armful of tests and ran to the check out, throwing them on the counter._

_The cashier looked at her funny, ringing her up._

_"My friend thinks she's knocked up." She replied her voice deeper than usual, trying to disguise herself. "Pregnant. Crazy right? These kids these days. Havin' sex."_

_The cashier stared at her, "That'll be $29.35."_

_Jess pursed her lips and nodded. Right. She payed the man and snatched the plastic bag and ran to her car._

How much pee could she have? She had already peed on three of the damn things and they all said the same thing.

Pink. Pink. Pink.

This was all Schmidt's fault. Schmidt and his stupid selfishness. Cutting up Nick's condoms and ingesting her birth control.

They had tried to be careful, especially since Jess couldn't get her prescription filled again until the next month. They had used condoms but they weren't one hundred percent effective and sometimes, in the heat of the moment they were forgotten, but Nick had pulled out and-

"NOOOO!" Jess wailed before chunking all the stupid tests into the trash before grabbing the stupid trash and stomping out of the bathroom and into her room to dispose of the evidence. She knew she had to tell Nick but she was not ready to air this to Schmidt and Winston.

Nick was sitting at the kitchen table when Jess exited her room, eating cereal and laughing about some random facts on the back of the lucky charm cereal box.

"Hey Jess did you know that eating a bowl of Lucky Charms a day can decrease your chances of heart disease? I'm basically immortal then." Before taking another bite, Nick chuckled.

Jess didn't.

"Nick, I'm late." Jess stated, her eyes wide, staring straight at Nick, face almost emotionless.

Nick's eyes flew up to her, his chewing slowed. "It's Saturday. Who has school on Saturday? That's crazy, am I right?"

Jess' eyes closed momentarily in frustration. He was going to make this hard.

"Not for school, Nick."

Nick chased the last marshmallow around in his bowl, "Oh, you meeting up with CeCe then? Don't worry, she'll understand."

Jess sighed.

"I'm not meeting up with CeCe. I'm late. Like, late LATE." Her eyes widened and shifted as she tried to put emphasis on her meaning of late.

Nick's face fell, the last marshmallow forgotten as realization washed over his face. He pushed himself away from the table, standing. "How?"

Jess laughed a little, "well, Nick, we have been getting pretty busy. I didn't know you needed to sit in on one of my sex ed classes."

Nick pinched the bridge of his nose. "I know HOW, Jess, I just mean how?"

Jess widened her eyes, because ya know, that made sense.

"I mean, we've been careful. I haven't... We've... You know." He finished.

"Condoms aren't one hundred percent effective, Nick. And there was that one time you... And then I..." Jess threw her hands up, "Nick I don't know. All I know is that I took three pregnancy tests and they all came back positive."

Nick's feet started moving and Jess glared at him.

"Nicholas Miller don't you moon walk away from me!"

"I can't stop Jess, this is... This is crazy. Have you called a doctor? Have you called Sadie?"

Jess shrugged. "Not yet."

Nick stopped, looking relieved. "So you're not sure? I bet you're not pregnant."

Being friends with a lesbian gynecologist had it's perks. Jess got an appointment the next day.

After an embarrassing pelvic exam and cold unpleasant things going in even more unpleasant places with Nick standing by her side, Sadie placed the cold sonogram censor on her abdomen and a blur came on the screen in front of them.

"Well, Jess," Sadie commented as she moved around her stomach, "remember when I told you how fertile you were? Congratulations, you are pregnant. Way to go, Nick."

Jess sat up on her elbows to get a better look at the screen as Nick leaned in closer.

"That's it?" Nick pointed to the screen. "That's my kid?"

"That's your baby, right there. Heart beat is strong. I'd say you're about 6 weeks." Sadie smiled as she cleaned Jess' stomach up.

"It looks like a squirrel." His face scrunched and Jess slapped his arm!

"Nick! Our baby is not a squirrel!"

Sadie handed Nick a copy of 'What to expect when you're expecting'. "He or She definitely isn't. Read up on this you guys and I'll see you back here in a month. Jess, call me if you need anything." She eyed both of them, shaking her head, "and congrats you two."

Jess fell back on the exam table.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys! Thanks for all the reviews and feedback! Keep them coming as it fuels my writing :). Also, sorry about the wait on this but expect the same amount of time for the next chapter. I'll try to be quicker but I have work and a girlfriend of my own to keep happy. But anyways, here's chapter 2. **

**I don't own New Girl yada yada you know how it goes.**

Jess flopped down on the couch as soon as they got home, her hands resting on her flat belly.

"I'm pregnant, Nick." She said with no tone what so ever in her usually very animated voice. "I'm pregnant."

Nick came and sat down beside her. After having a freak out in the car and yelling at outside Dave he felt calm. For now anyways.

"I know Jess. You only said that, like twenty times in the car."

She sat up straighter, pushing her glasses higher on her nose.

"I know but it's weird right? Me being pregnant. I mean, I didn't think I was going to have kids until I was 80, and here I am," she pointed to her stomach "pregnant. It's in mah belly."

Nick smiled at that, thinking about how he had put a baby inside of Jess. Jess. His Jess. They were having a baby.

"We can't tell anyone." Jess blurted, her blue eyes huge.

"What!" Nick raised his voice, standing up from the couch. "Jess you know I can't keep secrets! And this..." He waved his hands manically in her direction, "is huge!"

"Come ooooonnnn, Miller!" Jess whined. "Control your sweaty man back for me, pleassseeee."

One look into those pouty puppy dog blue peepers and Nick was a goner. He caved.

"Fine! I'll try." Nick sat back down beside her. "Are you ashamed of our baby, Jessica?"

Jess' mouth dropped.

"No! God no! Of course not, Nick!" Jess' hands were in her lap, fidgeting as his eyes bore into her. The one time Nick actually wanted to _talk_ about things and she was clamming up. "it's just... It's just, I need to to process this. _We_," she pointed in between the two of them, "need time to process this and I think it would be a lot less stressful if we did it alone before we really dropped a huge bomb on the whole loft dynamic. I mean, can you imagine raising a baby here?" Her eyes searched his, looking for reassurance, hope, something.

Nick turtle faced for a second as he did what looked like contemplating her question and shook his head, "Yes! Yes I can, Jessica."

"What? How?! Babies are messy and loud! Schmidt would have a conniption fit!"

"Messy and loud? Jess, you basically just described me. We'll be okay. We'll make this work. I'm not one hundred percent on the how yet, but we will. I mean, how hard could it be right? Plus we have this," Nick reached over to the coffee table and grabbed their _WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING_ book and flipped to the first chapter. "This is basically Babies for Dummies, right? If Kim and Kanye can do this, we got this, Jess."

Jess frowned and shook her head at the reference before scooting closer to get a better look at the book, "Well, what's it say, Miller? What are we in for? Lay it on me."

Nick began skimming the paragraphs, "Well, our baby is about the size of a pea." Jess made a "Hm" noise and shrugged as if to say 'good to know' as he continued to flip the pages.

"It says here you'll be extra tired. You sleepy, Jess?"

Jess yawned.

"No."

"Any urgencies to pee?"

Jess shrugged.

"Nope."

"Breast tenderness?" Nick reached over and gently groped one of her breasts. Jess screamed and slapped his arm.

"Ow Nick! Why would you do that?!" Jess placed her hands over both boobs, shielding them.

"How was I supposed to know ya tits would be like rocks?" Nick was getting defensive, his voice raising.

"Because the damn book just told you!" Jess was getting just as defensive, leaning her face in closer to his.

"Well I'm sorry!" Nick yelled and Jess rolled her eyes. She wasn't in the mood to fight with him. Not now, not when they were talking about their baby.

"It's fine. What else does it say?"

Nick stared at her for a few seconds longer before looking back down to the book. He read a few lines and a smirk appeared on his face.

"What?" Jess asked as she tried to lean in closer to see what he was so damned amused about. "What is it, Nick?"

Nick's eyes went directly to her breasts and he smiled, "Those things are gonna be huge. HUGE, Jess. I feel, I don't know Jess, I feel like I just won the lottery. This must feel like what winning the lottery feels like."

Jess folded her arms across her chest and winced slightly at the pain the just her arms touching them caused, "Really Nick? Huge boobs are like the lottery for you? They're not the only thing that's going to be huge! Everything is going to be huge!" Jess' eyes went huge at the realization. "I'm going to be huge, oh my god!"

Nick closed the book and placed it down on the coffee table before grabbing her by both arms, his eyes soft, "Hey, hey, no, that's not true. Jess you're going to be beautiful. Hell, you ARE beautiful. I'm crazy about ya Jess." Jess sniffled a bit at his confessions. "And I'm only going to get crazier about you as our baby grows inside of ya. I really don't know how I got so lucky."

Jess "awwww"ed and wrapped her arms around him. "Nick! I can't believe we're doing this." She nuzzled in closer to his neck. "You and me and a baby. Wow."

"Yeah." Nick agreed as he laid his head on top of her's.

"Hey, I wonder what it'll look like? Can you imagine a little baby with a turtle face?" Jess laughed, throwing her head back a little.

Nick Turtle faced. "Let's hope it looks like you, I mean come on. These Miller genes..." Nick grabbed what little pudge there was on his stomach and squeezed.

Jess sat up, scrutinizing him. "Why do you say that? I hope it looks like you! I like the Miller genes! All of them."

"Let me just say that if it's a girl and she has your eyes... I'm screwed. I'm dead. Anything she wants, she'll get. I'm sorry Jess, but it's true."

Jess scoffed. "Nicholas Miller I will not have you spoiling our child."

Nick threw his hands up in the 'whatdya gonna do about it way', "Jess this is out of my hands, if she has your eyes there will literally be nothing I can do."

"Well I hope she has your poop eyes!"

Nick laughed despite himself, "my poop eyes?"

"Yes your poop eyes! I like your little brown eyes." Jess shook her head "what are we even saying who cares what color eyes he or she has-"

Nick interrupted her, placing his hand on her stomach, "It's a girl."

Jess rolled her eyes, "it's the size of a pea. And you don't know that it's a girl Nick!" Jess looked down at her stomach and yelled "I'll love you regardless!"

Nick look offended, "Hey! I will, too! Daddy will too!"

Jess swallowed thickly.

"Did you just say Daddy?"

Nick looked up and raised his eyebrows at her. "Yeah, I did. That's what I am right? It's daddy."

If Jess could describe herself as anything right she'd say puddle. She was a puddle. Hearing Nick Miller call himself daddy to her unborn fetus did her in. She felt like she had melted against the couch. Nick eyed her suspiciously as she looked him up an down.

"Daddy. Does that do it for ya Jess?" Nick smirked. Nick leaned in and whispered, "Daddy." His breath hot on her ear.

Jess shivered.

Nick placed a kiss on her jawline, his lips working down to her neck. Jess released a breathy moan as he teeth grazed the sensitive skin of her jugular.

"God, Miller. Take me to bed." Nick continued his work on her neck, moving to show her collar bones attention. Jess threw her head back and squirmed, "Now!"

Nick stood and made quick work of scooping her up in his arms, carrying her bridal style into her bedroom and shutting the door with his foot. He placed her gently down on the bed, her hair fanning out on the pillow behind her head.

The bed dipped as Nick crawled on the onto the bed, Jess' legs falling apart for him to slide between them. His lips quickly found her's, his tongue tracing her bottom lip before beginning to dance with her's. They stayed like that for awhile, just making out for hell of it, his knee between her thighs, she thrusted against his knee and mewled when he sucked her lip between his teeth.

His hands roamed her body, under her dress and up her thighs which were now hooked over his waist, over the flat of her stomach and up her sides. Jess hissed lightly when his hands squeezed her breasts lightly and Nick jumped back, "Sorry," he murmured into her skin of her cleavage, kissing the round of her breast gently.

Jess could feel how hard he was (already) for her as he thrusted up against her, sending a thrill through her and up her spine that she could do this to him. This was her. She felt, for the first time in her whole life, like a woman. Reaching down she made quick work with undoing his pants, sliding them down his hips before squeezing him through his boxers. Nick grunted and Jess hummed in approval before yawning, suddenly too tired to even deal with his boxers.

"Take off your clothes, Nick," Jess said in a low voice as she tugged on his flannel shirt.

She wasn't sure what was wrong with her but her eyelids were suddenly so heavy and the bed was so comfortable and she forgot everything she was just doing as Nick fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, fighting with the damn flannel.

Sliding his boxers off, Nick looked over at Jess who was facing him, laying on her pillow, her eyes closed and soft snores escaping her lips.

"Jess?" Nick whispered as he crawled back on the bed. What had just happened? They were just about to have sex and now she was asleep? "Jess?!" Nick said louder and he was answered with another snore.

"no, no, no, no! Come ON!" Nick yelled as he flopped down on the bed next to her, staring at the ceiling. He was going to have blue balls from hell.

"Shhh, so tired Nick." Jess mumbled as she snuggled closer to her pillow before the light snoring picked back up.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Nick yelled as he threw his arms over his eyes in frustration. He no doubt was turtle facing the hardest he'd ever turtle faced in his life and after a minute or two of laying there he sat up and looked over at Jess who was now curled up on her side, facing him. He couldn't help but let his eyes wander, she was gorgeous and he sighed. His eyes settled on her stomach and he shook his head, "this is all your fault, pea."

NJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJ

"Good Morning Nicholas! Beautiful day today is it not?" Schmidt entered the kitchen wearing that damn kimono that Nick hated.

"Morning Schmidt." Nick mumbled before turning back to the eggs he was pushing around in the pan on the stove. Jess had slept the rest of the afternoon yesterday and all night. The clock on the stove said 10 AM and she was still asleep. Nick wasn't much of a cook but he figured he'd surprise Jess in bed with breakfast.

"This thing with you and Jess must be pretty serious if you're actually using the stove, Nicholas. Wait have you even ever used the stove?"

"Yes I know how to use the damn Stove Schmidt!" Nick cracked another egg into the pan, some of the shell falling with the egg yolk. Nick quickly used his fingers to dig the shell out, shaking his fingers quickly from the heat.

"Oh, Disgusting Nick, you're an animal." Schmidt said after gagging. "Where is Jess anyways?" He looked around the kitchen and living room, suddenly noticing how quiet it was.

Nick stiffened a bit as he continued scrambling the eggs. "She's uh, she's asleep."

Schmidt scoffed, laughing a bit. "It's 10 AM. Jessica Day doesn't sleep past 8. What's wrong? Is she sick? This is highly unusual." Schmidt placed his hands on his hips and Nick could feel the prickling of his back beginning to sweat.

"What? Sick? Jess? Pft. No." Nick laughed, moving the spatula through the eggs faster, wanting to get the hell out of the kitchen as quickly as he could. Schmidt knew him too well. "Can't a girl just sleep in. I've just- I've just been wearing her out if you know what I mean, right Schmidty?" Nick wriggled his eyebrows. He walked past Schmidt to get a plate, hurrying to place the eggs on it.

"I don't think so, Nick." Nick paused, swallowing thickly, "I haven't heard the praises to our dear lord coming from your bedroom. In fact, I slept like a baby last night. The best sleep I've gotten since you and Jess started doing the bedroom tango."

"What are you even TALKING about Schmidt?" He grabbed a glass and made his way to the fridge, pouring orange juice in a glass for Jess before placing it on the tray along with her scrambled eggs.

"I'm saying, Nicholas, that your woman is loud. Very loud. Which is no problem, really, kudos to you. Who doesn't like a responsive woman in bed amiright?" Schmidt smile and Nick immediately growled "jar!"

"But, I also know that last night- that didn't happen. So, whatever is wrong with Jess. I'll figure it out Nick." Schmidt gave Nick a "game on face" as Nick grabbed the tray, screaming "there's nothing to figure out!" As he ran to the bedroom, hoping the sweat that was forming on his back wasn't noticeable through his T-shirt yet.

Schmidt shook his head as Jess' bedroom door closed, leaning against the counter as he heard shuffling going on from the bedroom.

"Good morning Jess." He heard Nick say and what he thought was a mumbled good morning from Jess.

"Eggs? You shouldn't have Nick." There was a few seconds of silence before the bedroom door flew open and Jess ran out with her hand covering her mouth, just wearing one of Nick's long flannel shirts.

Winston opened the door to the loft, home from his overnight shift, just as Jess was flying in to the bathroom, slamming the door. Schmidt and Winston cringed as the tell tale sound of vomiting was heard through the door. Nick appeared from Jess' room and ran to the bathroom, knocking on the door and jiggling the door handle. Locked out.

"Jess, let me in. Do you need anything?"

"Go. Away. Nick." Jess yelled from the other side of the door before another round of vomiting started.

"What's wrong with her?" Winston asked, eyes wide as he wondered what the hell he had just come home to.

"What? Nothing! I DONT KNOW!" Nick said as he began to panic. He ran back to Jess' room and slammed the door.

"This is what happens. I let Nicholas use the stove and look, vomit happens. Disgusting. I'm going to have to disinfect the whole house." Schmidt shook off the cringe that was coursing through his body before heading back to his room.

Winston went to the kitchen to pour himself a bowl of cereal when another round of retching came from the bathroom. "Oh hell no." He mumbled, abandoning the cereal bowl and running to his own room, slamming the door.

**I promise CeCe and the guys will find out soon. Hope you guys liked! Review and let me know :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you guys so much for the reviews, follows, and favorites for this story! I am super excited for the direction in which it's heading and I have a lot of ideas. just so you guys know, this story has no beta so all mistakes are mine.**

"Nick! Nick!" Jess screamed as she stood in her room, fighting with one of the zippers on one of her favorite dresses. It wouldn't go up, it just stopped mid way and then nothing. No matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried to suck in, nothing. Damned thing. "Nicholas!"

Nick heard her screams from the bathroom while he was shaving his face, he immediately dropped the razor in the sink and ran to her room, panicked that something could be wrong, shaving cream still coating his jawline.

"What? What is it Jess? Are you okay?" He eyed her as she tugged on her dress, his eyebrow raising.

"Damn you Miller!" Jess grunted as she once again pulled at the zipper with no success before giving up and collapsing on the bed.

Nick turtle faced. "Damn me?! What did I do?"

"You got me pregnant, that's what you did! And your baby is huge! Despite me throwing up everything I eat, my dresses still won't zip!"

"oh no, no, no,no!" Nick pointed his finger at her, advancing towards her quickly as his voice began to raise. "Don't you dare pin this on me, Jessica! You were there just as much as I was! I think I remember you on multiple occasions being all" Nick raised his voice multiple octaves to mock her ,"'Oh Nick, I want you so bad, take me to bed now sailor.'"

Jess rolled her eyes and stood back up, showing him the gaping hole in the side of her dress where the zipper stopped. "Just shut up and help me, Miller."

All Jessica Day ever had to say was 'Help me' and Nick was there, like her white knight, since day one to do whatever it was she asked of him. He walked up to her and gently grabbed the zipper and pulled. It budged barely and Jess whined.

"Why won't it go up?" Jess stomped her feet, looking in her full length mirror at her body. Her stomach was still relatively flat, despite how bloated and disgusting she felt. "It's these damn things," Jess sighed as she lifted her hands to cup her breasts, which were already a full cup size bigger, and winced "Ow!"

Nick sighed, giving up and going to sit on the bed and rub his face in his hands. "Jess ya look fine. Just try another dress or a shirt. Or I'll take ya shopping."

Jess ran to her closet, sorting through the rainbow of dresses and cardigans she had hanging up. "I don't have time right now. I'm supposed to meet CeCe for a late lunch. "

Jess found a dress without a zipper that had a white blouse adorned in polka dots and a black skirt that had elastic around the waist. She threw on a red cardigan hoping to conceal her swollen breasts. She walked out of the closet and did a little spin for Nick, slightly self conscious, "Can you tell? I don't think you can tell but I feel like my uterus is huge and everyone is going to be staring at me-"

Nick grabbed and steadied her by the arms, brown eyes meeting blue, "The only thing I can tell, Jessica," he paused as he let his eyes sweep over her form, "is that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." He kissed her forehead gently, sweetly and Jess melted against him, all insecurities out the window.

"Nick I-" Jess started and then her nostrils flared, "What is that smell?"

Nick inhaled, nothing. "What smell?"

Jess' hand flew to her stomach as all the color drained from her face. "You don't smell that?"

Nick shrugged, "No Jess, I don't. Schmidt is making a smoothie, I think?"

"Oh God," Jess gagged and her hand flew to cover her mouth.

"Hey, hey! Bathroom, bathroom!" Nick grabbed her shoulders and guided her to the bathroom until she dropped to her knees in front of the bowl and began to yack. Nick held her long hair out of her face as he turned his head in the other direction.

"Again? Really Jessica?!" Schmidt yelled outside of the door, "I've already disinfected three times in the last two days, come on!"

~Who's that girl?~

CeCe waved her hand in the air as Jess walked into the cafe they were supposed to meet at thirty minutes ago. "There you are! I thought for a minute you had stood me up."

"No, sorry, you know how LA traffic is," Jess lied as she leaned in to hug her best friend before taking a seat across from her. "Crazy right?" Jess made a psssh noise as CeCe stared at her skeptically. Before CeCe could ask any questions the waiter was at their table asking for their orders.

"I'll start off with a Mimosa." CeCe smiled up at the waiter who was obviously eye fucking her, which is something Jess had gotten used to years ago when going out with CeCe.

"Water. Just water for me." Jess kept her eyes on the table, afraid to make eye contact with anyone.

CeCe kicked her best friend from under the table.

"Ow Ceece! What was that for? Jesus..."

CeCe eyed her best friend from across the table. "Don't make me drink alone, Jess." She looked up at the waiter and batted her eyelashes at him. "She'll also take a mimosa."

"No! No I won't. Just water. Tryin' to cut back, gotta keep the beer belly away, ya know what I mean?" Jess patted her belly and smiled up at the waiter who was giving her a weird look before walking away.

CeCe folded her arms across her chest, "Since when do you turn down Mimosas?"

"Since now. I turn down mimosas now. Boyfriend works at a bar, I drink all the time. ALL the time."

CeCe rolled her eyes before eyeing the waiter as he made their drinks and nodded her head to Jess, gesturing for her to look at him, "He's pretty cute, huh?" Jess knew CeCe was still reeling over the whole Schmidt ordeal. She felt bad for her best friend, but also didn't want her hitting on some yuppie waiter.

She craned her head to give the guy a once over for the other girl's benefit and shrugged, "I don't know. If you think the tall dark and handsome model type is cute, sure." Jess couldn't deny he was cute.

"Exactly."

Jess watched as CeCe eyed the waiter and Jess shook her head, "No, CeCe, you don't want him! You can't just jump on the first guy you see, that's bad, you need time to heal and-" Jess turned her head just in time to see the waiter smack another male waiter's ass as he walked by him. Her jaw dropped "- and obviously he might be gay."

CeCe rolled her eyes before taking a particularly large sip of her drink, "Figures. All the cute guys are either married, weird, /gay/... Or Schmidt. Ughhhhh." She dropped her head in her hands.

Jess sniffed and immediately held her nose. "God CeCe what kind of perfume are you wearing?"

The other girl lifted her was and furrowed her eyebrows, looking around, "Chanel? ...why?"

"It smells like that crap Schmidt got you for Christmas that year. God, is it always this strong?"

CeCe sniffed herself and then looked at Jess, shrugging her shoulders, "I can barely smell it, Jess. What's with you?"

"I- well, see..." Jess sighed, she couldn't hide this from CeCe. She was her best friend and she was going to find out eventually and she really needed someone besides Nick to talk to. "Nick sorta got me pregnant."

CeCe stared at her, blinking slowly before laughing hysterically. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said in between giggles, "I thought you just said you were pregnant with Nick Miller's baby."

Jess pursed her lips and nodded her head. "Yup, yeah I did. I'm pregnant. Knocked up. Got a bun in the ole oven." She leaned back and pointed at we stomach.

Her best friend just stared at her, dumbfounded. "What? I-how?" She put up her hands, "actually, I don't want to know HOW. I know how I just... Really?" CeCe scrunched her eyebrows, wrinkling her nose at Jess in disbelief.

Jess nodded. "Yep. I know, it's insane. Who knew Nick Miller had super sperm?"

"What are you you gonna do?" CeCe's eyes softened.

"Well. We're gonna keep it I mean- I would never- we're gonna do what ever we have to."

"How does Nick feel about this?"

"He's surprisingly really supportive. It's kinda cute actually. He hopes it has my eyes." Jess smiled, remembering Nick's whole speech about who he hoped the baby looked like.

CeCe smiled. "well that's good then, right?"

She shrugged. "yeah, yeah. I mean. I guess it is." Jess smiled, feeling relief knowing that someone else knew and understood.

"Who else knows?" CeCe asked, curious.

"Just me, Nick, Sadie, because ya know, gyno," Jess pointed down to her crotch awkwardly, "and now you. I'm only like 8 weeks so I figured I had time for I disrupt the loft's dynamic."

CeCe laughed before taking a drink of her mimosa, she might need another after this conversation, "I wonder how Schmidt will handle it. I think he's seriously thought he and Nick would be together forever, have their own babies."

Jess gulped. "Shut up, don't scare me. The last thing I need is the wrath of Schmidt."

~NJ~

"Nicholas! Nick!" Schmidt ran out of the bathroom towards the living room where Nick was stretched out on the couch with his laptop, laughing over brainless YouTube videos.

"Nick what is this?" Schmidt held up Nick's copy of What to expect when you're expecting and waved it in the air. "Who's is this and why was it laying next to the toilet?"

"Oh God!" Nick was up on the couch in seconds flat. "That's not mine! I've never seen that in my life."

Nick started moon walking away from Schmidt, clearly panicking.

"Don't you moonwalk away from me, Nick Miller! Were you reading this while going number two? You are sick! Do you have a fetish for pregnant women?"

Nick laughed nervously and moon walked faster, moving his arms awkwardly through the air. "Don't know what you're talking about Schmidt!" Nick yelled.

Schmidt followed Nick, still holding the book in the air. "Or do you have something to tell me, Nicholas? Jessica isn't with child is she?"

Nick laughed loudly, nervously, so fake.

"IS SHE?" Schmidt yelled. Then Nick watched as realization washed over Schmidt's face. "Oh god. The all hours vomiting, the heightened sense of smell, the larger breasts..."

"Schmidt! Jar!" Nick yelled.

"I should have known! Nicholas how could you?! How long have you known?"

Nick stopped moon walking. "I don't know, a few weeks. We were just ... Trying to figure it all out."

The door to the loft opened and Jess entered, home from her brunch with CeCe. She stopped in the doorway, staring wide eyed at the two guys who we're staring back at her.

"He knows, Jess, he knows!" Nick was yelling and sweating by this point, his lower back a puddle on his shirt.

"Nick!" Jess yelled, dropping her purse to the floor.

"Mazel tov, to you both." Schmidt said before throwing their book on the couch.

"Thanks?" Jess squeaked, slightly scared of Schmidt.

"Well, I've gotta say, Nick," Schmidt said, walking over to out a hand on Nick's back, "for your child's sake, you better hope he or she is blessed with Jess' genes."

"That's what I said," Nick said, smiling.

"Equals to the very end, my man." Schmidt smiled and Jess furrowed her eyebrows. What was going on here? Schmidt was actually being okay with this? "You know what happens now, right?"

Nick and Jess looked at each other in confusion and shrugged.

"We have to throw a party." Schmidt announced, smiling. "A coming together party." Schmidt grabbed both Nick and Jess and wrapped his arms around their shoulders. "A party to celebrate your sperm, Nicholas, coming together with Jess' egg."

Jess screwed her face up in what she couldn't decide was confusion or disgust.

"What? We're not throwing a party, Schmidt. That's crazy."

"Nick, you have no idea the minds of women. Nothing makes a woman hornier than a wedding or baby showers. It's something about seeing another woman with a baby that makes another one want to have sex. That's were I come in." Schmidt smiled like it was the best idea anyone had ever come up with.

"So basically you're using our baby," Jess said as she pointed between herself and Nick, "as an opportunity to get laid."

"I think this is jar worthy for life." Nick muttered.

"Don't worry guys, this is going to be great. You won't have to plan a thing. You, Jess, are already doing enough. You're making Nick's child's brain day in and day out. Take a break."

Nick and Jess looked at each other and shrugged.

"You guys won't be disappointed. Just let Uncle Schmidt do all the work."

"Okay, Schmidt, fine. But make it tasteful. This is a party to announce our child's arrival first and for most."

"You guys are the best." Schmidt hugged them and kissed them both on the temple.

"Ooookay." Jess said as she pulled away from Schmidt's embrace, "I've been "making brains" all day and I'm exhausted. I'm going to go lay down. I'm exhausted."

They watched as her figure retreated down the hall. "See ya later Jess. If you need anything let me know." Schmidt called before Jess' bedroom door slammed.

Schmidt laughed. "You guys are having a baby. This is going to be great. I'll help you decorate. I have so many ideas."

Nick tuned Schmidt out. This was going to be a long 7 more months.

Review? Let me know what you think?


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